A Beautiful Change.

Christmas cards. Check.  As much as I love to create ours to share with our friends and family, the best part of the Christmas card tradition is the collection of cards from others.  I love mail.  Real mail.  I like email, text, Skype, FaceTime, etc. for the convenience the other eleven months of the year and I am thankful for them but real mail is special, something you can hold in your hand. I especially like to gaze upon handwritten notes and signatures (even if its just the return address).  My grandmother is the best about real mail.  She sends cards all the time for all kinds of occasions.  When I was injured I probably received ten.  When my dad went through his whole ordeal, Gra'ma sent him one almost every day.  She's awesome.  But pretty much everyone sends a Christmas card of some sort.  So far I have received three and I put them on our home-made card holder all scrunched up together.  My husband said, " Are you expecting a lot of cards?" to which I replied, "Are you not?".  I understand what he meant though, it was funny to see the three cards all on one end of the card holder but in my mind, I can see it full, bursting with cards- faces of new babies and old friends, pets and Christmas newsletters.  

I keep an electronic copy and a printed version of my Christmas card list.  Throughout the year I do my best to update the written version as friends move or family grows.  Then I go back and plug in the changes to my excel spreadsheet all at once, around this time of year.  This year, there seemed to be a lot of red that represented a lot of change in my friends and families lives.  As I scratched out address after name after address after name and as I added new babies' names or new friends addresses-  I paused to take in the changes.  I paused to respect and remember each family and the race they have run this year.  As my red pen struck through and added and took away, I couldn't help but stop and think about all that happens in the span of a year.  How much change is always upon us.  Sure, there are many good changes, additions to the families of those I hold dear are some of the best!  But there are sad changes too and Christmas happens to be the time we let ourselves think about it.  Why, I wonder...  Maybe it is a blessing.  Maybe it is God's way to speak the truth to us, "This is why I came. This is why Christmas is even a thing.  Christmas is about change".   A change from a society that lives under the law to a community established in grace and mercy.  Christmas, in itself, represents the biggest change that ever occurred.  This is far from what most would say about Christmas. I would agree with anyone that says Christmas is steeped in tradition, not change.  As I reflected on the changes to my list it was clear that the reason we hold our traditions so dear is because we, as Christians, hold this time of year so dear.  We recognize, on some level, the changes represented in us by this holiday.  We celebrate Jesus and the way he came to earth to CHANGE us forever.  Before Jesus was born, our Christmas card was addressed as follows: "To: Rebecca - sinner, slave of sin, condemned under the law….With tough love- GOD".  After Jesus' birth, our card is addressed much differently (thank goodness!) : "To: Rebecca - (still a sinner) - heir, daughter, ransomed, child of God …. Love: Your heavenly Father, your Creator, Prince of Peace, Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God."  Enjoy your card from the Lord this year and embrace changes, however hard or wonderful they are, because this is why Jesus came- to walk us through the changes life brings and come out on the other side a new and different soul.  Changed from slaves to sin, to everlasting lives filled with the spirit of righteousness.  What beautiful change. 

Romans 5: 20- 21

"The law was added so that the trespass might increase.  But where sin increased, grace increased all the more, so that, just as sin reigned in death, so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. "

The good stuff- Santa, GNO, wine, run, food, friends!

Thursday I went for a run while George played with his friends at preschool.  It was the first decent run since the injury and it felt SO great to breathe deeply, move swiftly, and endure for longer than 30 minutes.  Maybe it was endorphins but the songs that I heard on the Pandora Station seemed to be a perfect soundtrack for the things God has mightily done in my life the past few weeks.  I normally do not listen to music while I run because I like the sounds of my breath as I inhale and exhale and how they coincide with my feet as they pound the earth beneath me, but today almost without a thought, I put the ear buds in and God talked to me through music.  The air was crisp, the sun was bright and my hopes were high for a strong comeback into the runners' world.  I was not disappointed in my body's ability to jump right back into a trail run, hills and all.  Thank you, body. I have a lot of gratitude and respect for you.  And in that same breath- thank you, God for the creation of such a magnificent miracle, the human body.

This run was followed by a London Fog (steamed milk, black tea and vanilla) and a 99c Store errand.  Can I just say that I love the 99c store?  I know I have mentioned it before but it is such a nice change from Target, where I unload four items of junk and one bag of dog food (the only item I planned to buy) onto the belt and never charge the card for less than $100.  At the 99c store however, I unload a WHOLE CART of junk and it is never over $25.  I wish they sold our brand of dog food so I could avoid Target altogether.  I don't think the ability to avoid Target is humanly possible in America.  Who disagrees?  OK, I see no one does. Let us move on.

Thursday night we went to the Farmer's Market for a tree lighting.  There were Carolers and a happy Santa.  He was a good one too. We got there just in time because George was the last to tell Santa what he wanted.  He asked for a remote controlled helicopter and play dough and …..what was the third thing? I am certain Santa remembers.  We got kettle corn, played with friends, saw the bubble man and saw lots of Christmas lights on our way to and from.  On the way home I got a text from an acquaintance down the street. She wanted to know if I would come over for a glass of wine with a few girl friends.  Why, yes, that sounds like a fabulous idea….if only the husband would acquiesce …..and YES, he said this was just the thing to break my almost reclusive habits lately.  He didn't say it quite like that, but its kind of true.  After the injury that socially isolated me, I have been a little slow to return to the real world where people hang out with folks other than their kids and husband!  So after stir fry (prepared and cleaned up by my wonderful husband) and after my boy was bathed and read to and tucked warmly in bed…off I went to drink a glass of wine with some women.  WOW.  I don't really know how to describe in words the next 4 hours of my life.  Fun, feeling normal, smiles, laughs, wine, snacks, home made warm chocolate chip cookies, more laughs, stories told, a Southern accent that did not belong to me. The other girls knew my friend from down the street from church and bible study.  One girl did not know anyone else there either (like me) and turns out she lives across the street from me and has three young children just about George's age.  We got to know each other pretty well and by midnight it was the three ladies who live on this street left standing in the kitchen around several empty bottles of wine, cookie crumbs and open chip bags.  There were persimmons the neighbor brought from a tree in her yard as well.  Its good to have friends, especially when they live two short minutes from your front door.  Thats called community folks.  And I've never been more thankful for it.  Little George and I ended up at this girl's house the very next night to meet her three little ones.  They were so much fun and had lots of new and different toys so George had a blast.  I'll call her Berkeley from here on out because she graduated from UC Berkeley and is a true Berkeley-ite.  She's a no-plastic-policy-holding, to-the-right-hugging, prius-driving, progressive-thinking, lovable and downright wonderful lady.  I can't wait to get to know her better.  I returned to my warm house and was hit by the smell of home made pizza as soon as I walked in the door.  My husband had worked all night on home made sauce and toppings to make us Stromboli and a pizza to enjoy.  Robin Hood (the cartoon version) was cued up and ready to watch.  What a fun night.  And to top it all off, he did the dishes for the second night in a row while I put George down.  Can someone tell me how I got so lucky? Anyone? Sunday Berkeley and I plan to go to Manhattan beach with our husbands and kids.  They promise snow and fireworks on the beach.  Who wouldn't want to do that?! Let it Snow Let it Snow Let it Snow! 

Babysitters and B-DUBS.

Wednesday we met a potential babysitter for George.  This would be stressful even if we were back home in NC where we have a church youth group to pull from, cousins, family and friends and connections.  Here, we multiply that stress by, oh I'd say about a million.  I have been given several contacts for sitters but none has been quite right for one reason or another.  I even got on Care.com and found one who said her faith was an important part of who she was etc etc.  We met her and she was fine, but just not Corrie-Caliber. I coined that term in honor of our sitter who watched George full time from the time he was three months old until I lost my job.  Even then, she was so wonderful I still used her on a weekly basis because she was such a perfect fit for our family. More than a perfect fit, we had a connection and I couldn't imagine George's life without her in it by the time we moved.  I had just stopped the search for a Corrie-Caliber type sitter when the preschool newsletter about a sitter arrived in my inbox.  Since George and I are about to DIE for a date night, I called her that instant.  "No one else is going to get her first!" I thought.  And boy am I glad I did.  We met her yesterday and she is pretty darn close to Corrie-Caliber.  As soon as she walked in, she completely engaged George.  She did not ignore me, but he was her priority.  She was sweet and kind, and knew ALL the right things to say to a three year old little boy. I was amazed actually.  She stayed about an hour and George was upset when she left.  I called a few of her references and they know her family and have had her watch their kids so I know she's safe.  And here's something else: when I asked her how much she charged she said, "People usually pay me whatever they can. I am not money hungry so I take what they can pay". What? Are you kidding me?  I think 2$ / hour will do it. Ha Ha, only kidding. Childcare is worth every penny to get some time away as a couple.  We will pay her well.  And no, you cant have her number. I am greedy with my sitters. Ha. I am full of jokes today.
As if that were not enough to complete my day, we were able to watch my beloved Tarheels play the Spartans. First, BW3s indeed had the game on. Check. George discovered the touch screen video monitor on the table and was happy to type in his "user name" and "passcode"the entire time.  We got wings, beer, salsa and chips and I even got a black bean burger to pick at.  And then the W.  Number one Michigan State falls to the mighty TARHEELS!!!! What a night.  I was in heaven.  Heaven!

Productivity

Sheeeeeeee's baaa-aaaaack!  I spent five weeks in a continuous pity party but Monday y'all….I got it together.  I cleaned my house, went to the grocery store, replied to numerous messages, texts, emails, and phone calls, planned our New Years get-a-way, created our Christmas Cards, cut three sets of nails, wrote checks, and wait for it……finished my Christmas shopping for little George (thanks cyber Monday!)  It felt good but I was wiped out come 6:00pm.  It feels good to live life again.  Tuesday I went for a run (only 30 minutes) and it felt good to return to some semblance of normalcy in my routine.

More Productivity:

The Christmas decorations got the boot when we moved to California.  My lovely stockings, my wreaths, my lights and my well loved christmas ornaments all got to stay behind when we packed everything we thought we would need for a year in a small Uhaul. You may think this sad but it made for some really resourceful and creative decorations this year.  Everything on our tree this year is in some part made by a three year old.  No Martha Stewart awards will be given out at my house but we sure had a lot of fun.  Here are a few ideas that are really inexpensive and fun in case your toddler is going nuts when the sun goes down (and my does it go down early these days!).

Clothespin Reindeer:

glue two wobbly eyes (target) and a red puff ball (target) to the flat part of a clothespin.  Wrap a black pipe cleaner around the end of the clothespin and work into an antler shape.  Then get creative with colors. We did an assortment of ACC reindeer (thats Atlantic Coast Conference, all your Californians).  

Trader Joes bags:

Cut out the cute holiday shapes that are on the bags these days and string them up.  Instant decoration.  After I cut out the shapes, I flattened them under some heavy books before I hung them on the tree.  Those hand surgery books ARE good for something other than collecting dust.  

This squirrel is our version of "Christmas Vacation" Movie with Chevy Chase

Hot chocolate ornament:

Tear an empty hot chocolate packet apart (preferably with a cute "Hot Chocolate" label-mine were from Trader Joes.  Yes. I live there part time) so you just have the front.  Round the edges with scissors and string it up beside two coffee mug cutouts from the Trader Joes bags.

Pipe cleaner Candy canes, bows, and wreaths:

Just bend into the shape you want and have the kiddos hang them.  

Toilet Paper Roll Star:

Cut an empty roll of TP into 6 circles.  They will naturally end up bent a little from the pressure of the scissors.  Glue the flat edges together in a circle and hold for about 30 seconds.  Dip in glue and glitter for a sparkly touch!

Then there are these happy little guys:

Home Made Card hanger:

Pretty Twine (from the 99c Store) hung from Point A to Point B.  Hang jingle bells every two feet and fill in spaces with empty clothespins.  Wait for those cute family photos and Aunt Susie's newsletter to come in the mail and the kids will love hanging them up. The text are cut outs from Trader Joe's bags as well. They say Happy Holidays from…, Warm Wishes from…. Peace and Joy from…
I have to say I was pretty proud of this idea :)

Home Made Advent Calendar:

Construction paper cut into squares with dates (Dec 1-25th) on each in silver marker.  Inside you can do an activity for each day like "Make Christmas Cookies" or "Get the Tree" or " Drive around and look at lights".  I did the Christmas Story in progression with a symbol and a verse to read each day.  For example, Dec 1st was "Angel" and we made an angel out of pipe cleaners and hung it on the tree.  

We also strung cranberries and popcorn and it turned out really nice.   Below is the finished product.  

I hope you have as much fun decorating as we did! Happy Christmas Season!

A Not-So-Traditional Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone.   We ate turkey, sweet potato casserole, and dressing.  We even got our tree and decorated.  We checked the news about black Friday and were not surprised to see that CNN featured crazed shoppers at a Wal-Mart in…drumroll… Eden, North Carolina.  Football scores are filling my newsfeed and basketball is in full swing too.  But somehow it just doesn't seem like Thanksgiving really happened.  I think its the weather.  The past two days have been stunningly beautiful and close to 80 degrees.  Or maybe its the lack of hustle and bustle.  Usually this time of year I am a ball of anxiety as I try to figure out what parties to attend or decline or how to fit in trips to see both families or where to meet friends for dinner or what date suits all our best friends for a Christmas party.  We have heard reports of the Flotilla in Wilmington, oyster roasts, basketball games, family get togethers, grandparents' visits and the like.   Our weekend was relaxed comparatively.  Thursday we spent the day on the coast in San Clemente with some of our best friends from NC.  It was marvelous to see them but surreal at the same time.  The day was gorgeous and the fellowship even better but it was abruptly shortened when little George spiked a fever out of nowhere.  We left right as the food emerged from the oven.  My dear friend packed us a huge plate of turkey, dressing, potatoes and casseroles as we rushed away in fear that we had already spread a virus to young and old.  It was so sad to have to leave like that but we were glad we did because we all ended up sick that night and the next day.  We were supposed to camp Thursday night near San Clemente.  Thursday night little George had a fever induced hallucination (we think).  It was good we were not in a campground.  He screamed and was inconsolable for a good half hour.  We prayed for him and also gave him more Motrin.  He slept with us the rest of the night for the first time since he was a week old.  Poor little precious thing.  I have never felt so powerless to help him.  He was absolutely terrified of whatever he saw.  Friday morning we all needed to be cheered up so we decided to see Frozen in the theater.  This was our first family movie and it was a success!  First we stopped by Panera for some broccoli cheese soup I have had my mind set on for some time.  Then we found the mall and fought the shoppers for a parking spot.  Once we were inside we settled into our seats with popcorn and and a Coke.  The movie was very well done and we all three enjoyed it.  It was not too scary, the songs were great, the silly character Olaf is hilarious and lovable and the attempt by Disney to focus on familial love instead of prince/princess love was appreciated. All in all, Edwards, Edwards and little Edwards give it 5 stars.  Saturday we got our Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.  Let the decorations begin!!  I got crafty, which is rare.  I enjoyed my craftiness, which is even more rare!  We strung popcorn and cranberries, made reindeer clothespins, cut Trader Joe's bags, glued eyeballs on furry puff balls to make silly animals, made a star out of toilet paper rolls, and bent pipe cleaners into all kinds of shapes.  Our crafts also included a home made advent calendar and a card holder (so you can send your Christmas cards to us now!).  Dean is bah humbug as usual but little George made up for his lack of Christmas cheer.  I have never seen that child have more fun inside the house.  He was so proud of his tree.  His favorite thing to do was bend pip cleaners into a "candy cane" and hang them on the tree.  We have about 25 random pipe cleaners all over the tree, but do you think I am going to move them an inch? Nosireebob, I would never do such a thing to that kid.   He only fell out of the chair four times! Wait, did I actually include that?   

Sunday we did not attend church because we are all still snotty and visibly sick.  I am not sure we  are still contagious but in an effort not to spread this any further, we gave ourselves one more day to recover.  Instead we did a family devotion and then hiked to the Hollywood sign.  We thought some fresh open air would be good for us all.  It was a gorgeous 80 degree clear day and we could see all the way to the ocean.  I have never seen such a view.  So now here we sit as Thanksgiving weekend comes to a close.  It boils down to this.  We love it here and you can't beat the weather, but we miss our family and our friends back home.  Dorothy said it best, "There's no place like home!".

Thanksgiving at our table, just the 4 of us!

San Clemente Beachfront

Our first family movie

Hiking the hollywood sign trail

Our Charlie Brown Tree

Freedom Don't Come Free

Oh sweet freedom!  Freedom to smile, freedom to laugh, freedom to talk, yell and sing.  Freedom to lick my lips and chew just a little bit.  Freedom to brush my teeth!!  Two weeks more until I can really chew anything of substance but I am here to tell you…. I don't care.  The chicken noodle soup from a can I had last night could have been prepared by Emeril Lagasse himself. I enjoyed it so much.  I also tasted some turkey that was leftover from our feast at the Cannon's house.  I could not chew it but it tasted good.  I also had sweet potato casserole, corn bread soaked in butter, a can of chicken noodles soup, a piece of real apple pie and a big bowl of cookies n cream ice cream.  Make that two bowls of ice cream.  It took me a long time to eat dinner (I started at 5:30 and finished around 10:00) but it was worth it.  I savored every morsel.  Then I brushed my teeth.  Oh what a feeling, what a marvelous feeling!  

But freedom don't come free folks.  Yesterday was a long, hard and rough day.  I was told to be at the hospital at 11:30 am.  That made the morning so long.  George tried to let me sleep in but one loud thing after another caused me to face the morning with no coffee at 7:00am.  I read my bible, straightened up a bit and took it easy.  George entertained Georgie the entire morning (which made his afternoon super long).  They had breakfast, went for a run,  went to the park and played toys.  Then we set off for the hospital.  After check-in, the Georges hung around as long as they could before the little one was too curious and energetic to take anymore.  They left around noon and I sat by myself in a loud, busy waiting room where TVs blared, cell phones dinged and buzzed, and where I heard, in unison, every language except english as loved ones loudly conversed as they waited their turn.  Finally around 1:00 they called me back and I donned my lovely gown, had an IV started, answered countless questions and watched Friends' episodes on the TV.  My roommate was a little old Asian lady who did not want to hear the TV but still wanted it on.  She was pitiful by the way.  She told every doctor that came in that she was scared and to please take care of her.  They were all caught off guard at having to extend some compassion in the middle of their busy day.  I hate to say it but it was true.  I said a few prayers for her while I sat there and waited my turn.  As miserable as I was at 2:00pm with no caffeine, water or food in my system, her continuous plea to the doctors and nurses provided me with amazing perspective.  From the conversations I overheard, she waited for a cancer removal and biopsy to see if whatever it was they intended to remove was benign or malignant.  Each time I would start to have a pity party about my jaw pain, or the fact that I had no family or friends here to wait with me, or that I was NPO after four weeks of pretty much being NPO, her frail, sweet voice would ring in my right ear, "Please take care of me doctor, I am so scared".  Bless her little sweet heart. Bless it Lord.  And thank you Lord for your grace and mercy in perspective.  SO at 2:45 they finally came for me.  I became extremely anxious on the OR table as they prepped me for surgery.  If you've never experienced this, I hope you never have to.  Face up as you stare at the ceiling tiles, the nurses and assistants contort your arms and legs into positions that are convenient for them.  You feel like a piece of meat on the slaughter board.  The staff laugh and chat jovially like its just the best day ever.  They move fast with precision and purpose and ask you pointed questions in order to make you feel like you are part of the party.  But they forget to answer them so you do not feel like part of the party.  Thanks for the effort though.  Then you see the digital clock on the wall with the time.  Just as you begin to picture yourself in an episode of Grey's Anatomy, they push that lovely Versed.  Ouch, the bolus hurts but then…oh then….you care about nada, you begin to think this IS the best day ever.  Wow, I feel great! My headache is gone, my anxiety is gone, and there's nothing going on in my head.  Complete and utter bliss.  UNTIL……here comes my doc.  That's good because he's the one we've all been waiting for to do this thing. But bad because he just rips out the wires and ruins my Versed bliss bubble.  Tears came then and did not stop until about an hour later.  The pain meds are good, and my mouth is numb but I can't stop the tears.  It doesn't hurt anymore but still I can't stop crying.  They told me I would be asleep for the procedure.  This was not so.  I am a very tough girl.  Anyone who knows me will agree.  I rarely cry because of pain.  I admit I am emotionally sensitive and shed lots of tears because of that, but physically- not much touches me.  But this I will never forget.  The nurse in recovery was very sweet and brought me tissues but she said the wrong thing to me.  She said, "Sometimes when we are really brave about surgery and then its all over, it just comes crashing down on us".  Well, two things... 1.  Whats all this "we" business and 2.  The tears were mine and I know my emotional tears from my pain tears. Those were pain tears.  I think she was right in a lot of cases and I appreciate the tissues she brought me, but she was wrong about why I cried and it really bothered me.  Then I went to recovery where the nurse brought me a cup of coffee at 3:45 pm.  What a gift.  She is my new best friend.  I think her name was Christine.  We had good talks and she never accused me of bravery.  Then we called George and he came to get me.  On the way home I heard all about the boys' day.  They rode a train at the mall, ate at Red Robin and then went to the arboretum.  Mr. Mom was on point today.  By the time we arrived home, I could tell he had had enough.  Little George out all day minus his nap is not a good combo.  Add yours truly as a patient - poor big George!  We all ate dinner together and after George bathed George, I got to read him books.  I absolutely cherished it.  Books just don't sound as good through clenched teeth.  He went straight to sleep and his parents let out a sigh of relief.  Our big day was over.    Apparently George was up twice last night with bad dreams.  When he woke up this morning I asked him what his dreams were about.  He said, "One was about mommy and the 'nother one was bout my teeth hurting" So who thinks yesterday affected him? Poor baby.   

Today was great but I am exhausted.  George called with good news/bad news.  Conference was cancelled so he was on his way home but he was sick.  Since he walked in the door he's been in bed with a fever and chills.  Role reversal.  What would we do without each other? Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers as I faced this tough season of life.  As always God was good to us and blessed us  immensely.  Thank you Lord.  

ONE more day.

Mark your calendars for Monday at noon.  Finally I will be free of the chains!  I will have to go under anesthesia but the procedure will only take about fifteen minutes.  George took the day off so everything is squared away.  Tomorrow is my last full day of this torture.  I know it will not be an easy week as my gums heal from four screw holes and as my jaws remember how to chew but I just feel like it cannot be much worse.  I hesitate to say that…. and I will certainly let you know if I am right or wrong.  Today I busied myself with a coffee date with a new friend, a Target run and a pie.  I still love to bake, even when I cannot eat the finished product.  The pie looks beautiful and the coffee date was really fun but the Target run was the low point.  I am still not quite sure how it happened but George ended up with tee-tee in his eye (as well as a lot of other places).  It was not pretty.  Should I even publish this?  Its reality folks, I might as well.  Life is not all unicorns and rainbows.  Sometimes it includes public bathroom chaos.

Last night I made chocolate sauce that you are supposed to put on ice cream.  I ate half the jar with a spoon.  Today I made one of my favorite peanut butter dips.  You are supposed to dip graham crackers and fruit in the cream cheese, PB, and brown sugar mixture.  I think you know where this is going.  I am in full survival mode over here.  I am so over creative meals.  If you are out there with a broken jaw reading this post, just put peanut butter in the microwave and you are good to go.  Add some nutella if you want to get fancy.  Eat as much as you want.   Ok, enough of my rant.  If you don't mind, please say a prayer for us all on Monday.  Ta Ta for now!