dook lost

Last Tuesday George went to school and then played in the yard the whole afternoon.  While he was in  school I ran. It was the best run for me in two weeks.  This is noteworthy because for the past two weeks I have been sick or injured or exhausted every day and even when I attempted to get out there I  stop constantly to rest.  This is not normal for me.  My attitude towards my daily run is and always has been, "There's NO excuse. period. not weather, not sickness, no excuse" I am a pretty tough trainer. Tuesday night, George has his weekly dinner meeting and Wednesday was another tough long day and by Thursday, little George had not seen his daddy in almost 72 hours.  I should also mention that Thursday morning on my only break I was required to attend a parent enrichment class.  We are only required two per school year for the preschool and some are offered at night or on the weekends but there are two given during the hours of preschool for those who have trouble in the childcare arena.  That would be me.  So I chose this one: "Balancing Marriage and Children" from 9:15-11:00.  It was not bad.  I may have learned something that I just can't seem to put my finger on right now.  In fact I know I would have learned something if I had been in the right mood.  All I could think about though was how cold I was when there was perfectly good warm sun outside, and how I needed to just let my brain detach itself for these two hours that I am free from the constant questions directed at me by my sweet inquisitive three year old.  It did not help when our first exercise was to pick someone we didn't know and sit knee to knee with them and stare at their face (without "judgement") for 2 minutes.  Try to do anything for two minutes and you will realize how long that period of time really is.  OK, now back to the activity.  Did you catch that? STARE AT THIS PERSON for two minutes.  Where I come from, it is NOT polite to stare.  Also, I have not had an eyebrow wax in over a month and its crazy up there.  Of course this woman will not be able to take her eyes off my strays.  Had I known that would be our first activity today I would have plucked a few of the major ones on her behalf.  Oh YALL.. It was TERRIBLE.  It was just as bad as you imagine it to be.  The idea was to take this home and give your "partner" two minutes of undivided attention and look at the details of their face.  I am sure its a wonderful exercise with your husband or wife, but I am sorry as I can be, the experience did not translate well to someone (as lovely as she was) who is not my husband.  I know my friend feels the same way because everyone in the room did.  We shared our experience with the group. Thats how I know.  Geeez, I really hate stuff like this.  On top of that I felt that the speaker tried to level with the group using unprofessional language.  On second thought, this may have been her normal way of speaking but I just find it a little unprofessional to use language like she did in a seminar.  She was obviously very intelligent and experienced and had a lot to offer but she lost me with the use of certain words again and again.
Enough on that, the idea is that for those two hours when I desperately needed a break, instead I got a cold dark room with ugly language and a staring contest.  UGH.   On a positive note, I think my friend and I bonded a little over the awkwardness of it all.  Every time I see her now, we share a knowing grin.  Ok, some good came out of it.  See, this is why I blog. That was the first time that crossed my mind.  Back to it…..
Thursday night was when my week began to turn around.  Still no nap for little George and by the time big George got home I was in a MOOD.  I had followed the first half of the game online and was so anxious to get to BW3s where we would find out if they even care about the UNC/dook rivalry out here.  Well, they do- kind of.  It was on but everyone kept trying to turn our TV to the Miami game…I get it- LeBron…but this is MY game.  My absolutely wonderful gem of a husband took control more than once and said in his most authoritative doctor voice, "DON'T change this one, we are interested in the current game". He's usually pretty shy, so this is one way he loves me well, when he puts his shyness and peacemaker character on the back burner so my game does not get changed in a room full of loud, cussing, young, Miami loving, LeBron fans.  He does love me.  Bless his heart.  So if you don't know, (and if you don't know where have you been?) the outcome was just what we wanted- a close game but with the W going to the Heels at home.  I could write a book on my love for Carolina basketball but I will just write one thing.  I sufficiently embarrassed myself at the end in BW3s.  What a way to turn my day around!
Friday Georgie and I walked to two parks, first to Lacy park where we met Lauren and Tac.  Then on to Garfield Park where we met Jennie and Evie.  Park-hopping! Then home. George was not interested in a nap so we played in the front yard.  This is when our accident of the week occurred.  I should just have one whole section of this blog for the "accident of the week" because we seem to have accidents constantly.  Basically a heavy wooden structure on wheels fell on top of him which would have been fine had it not been for the mesh plastic that was attached at top and bottom.  I watched the whole thing happen. He looked up to see the mesh approach his little face and when it met him it body slammed him into the brick driveway.  His neck bent in a way that made my heart stop and the sound his head made on the brick made my stomach turn.  I just knew something was "bad-wrong" as we say in my family.  He turned out to be ok, but y'all, I was really worried.  I had just told Lauren she could bring Tac over for a couple of hours and I considered calling her back to say I was on my way to the ER, but decided to call my husband instead.  Of course, he was in surgery so did not pick up. I decided to just keep a watchful eye on him after I got him all cleaned up and settled down.  By the time Tac arrived he was back to his old self, but I was still a wreck.  Once the 17 month old got there though, it was such a nice change of pace that my whole mood changed.  Little George really needs a sibling! He was so sweet to Tac and had this innate ability to act like a big brother.  It was really amazing to see because I have not taught him that.
Saturday, big George was at the hospital all day.  Little George and I walked to the coffee shop, then to the post office, then to Mix n Munch (grilled cheese and cereal bar), then to Orange Grove Park.  Finally we arrived home and I was able to talk George into some quiet time in his room.  This does not always work but I was able to accomplish a few tasks that had waited all week for George's nap time.
Sunday was such a sabbath! George was home and it was so nice to parent 2 on 1.  I was able to get a run in before church and then we worshipped together and then just napped in the warm sun all afternoon.  Well, not ALL afternoon but I think we both drifted off a time or two.  Ok, George drifted off, I always had one eye open to make sure little George did not climb any other heavy wooden frames with plastic mesh.  Then, wonder of wonders, Georgie replied to my request to read him some books in his room with "Thats a GREAT idea mommy!"  I still don't know where that came from but the poor thing must have been exhausted because eventually he went to sleep in the day time for the first time all week.   Praise the Lord.  I went to sleep too.  George did our taxes.  Oh taxes…..Blahhhhhh.
Sunday night I played softball and had a really great time being myself.  I talked to other adults the best I remember how.  I drove on the freeway and noticed the stars.  I looked at wonder on the valley of lights of the city in which I live.  Its amazing how I forget where I live sometimes.  I live in LA. WOW.  I love these drives at night, with no little voice piercing my thoughts with a demand or question.  Its nice to remember who I am and where I am and that I do in fact exist apart from the four walls of our home.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a thing, I love our family and our walls and feel incredibly blessed to be living the life that I am live.  However,  I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the times where I can look at my life from the outside in instead of the other way around.  Praise God for my life.  I am so so SO blessed.

Fasting

There seems to be a theme of the week.  Did you know that it happens to be National Eating Disorders Awareness Week? 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kirsten-haglund/national-eating-disorders-awareness-week_b_4782650.html

Also, the youth at my church plan to experience a "30 Hour Famine" this Saturday- Sunday.  They will fast from Saturday morning until noon on Sunday. I hope you can see that I could not avoid addressing both NEDA Week and the fast by the youth at our church.  Both of these topics are important to me and strangely connected even though they seem to be opposites.  The following is a devotion I wrote for the youth. I thought my blog followers would appreciate it too.  Can I encourage you to pick a way to fast during lent with me?  Bon appetit!

Fasting

Proverbs 15:15

All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast.

Matthew 5:6

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.

I am so glad you have this opportunity to fast.  Not many Americans are able to experience true hunger.  Thirty hours is a long time to fast, and I am really proud of you!!  But part of true hunger is the mind game.  You, the youth at Oneonta, know when the next meal will be.  As you look forward to the close of the fast try to keep in the back of your mind that your brothers and sisters who are truly hungry have no idea if or when they will be able to fill their stomachs again.  Also keep in mind that when you decide to fast you are on holy ground- holy and sacred ground. 

Joel 1:14

Declare a holy fast; call a sacred assembly. Summon the elders and all who live in the land 
to the house of the Lord your God, and cry out to the Lord.

            I write to you as a young adult who has had several opportunities for a spiritual fast in my short life.  Some I chose, some I did not choose, and some times when the lines were blurry as to whether I chose or did not choose to fast.  This may sound funny to you; I will explain.

            The times I chose to fast seem to be the easiest to explain.  In college I chose a day of the week that worked for me, the day happened to be Friday, and I would have nothing but juice and water for breakfast and lunch.  I chose to fast from sun up to sun down.  I usually rose before the sun came up so I would have a small meal then.  After the sun went down, I would have a larger meal.  I always had a specific situation or person in mind when I fasted.   I prayed for this person or situation every time I thought of them throughout that particular day.  When I first began this practice I would get really hungry so I would also pray for the person or situation each time I thought about how hungry I was.  I learned that this spiritual discipline really has little to do with food and everything to do with prayer and dedication.  It is a spiritual PRACTICE and takes practice just like anything else.  I also did not mention it to many people on the day of my fast.  My housemates knew and sometimes a close friend or family member but I did not talk about it much in general.

Matthew 6:16 

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full."

I would encourage you to use this time to PRAY, PRAY, PRAY. 

2 Chronicles 20:3

Alarmed, Jehoshaphat resolved to inquire of the Lord, and he proclaimed a fast for all Judah.

Ezra 8:23

So we fasted and petitioned our God about this, and he answered our prayer.

1.  Inquire of the Lord- ask Him what He wants from you today.

2.  Petition your God – come to Him with one thing or a list of many things that concern you.

3.  Meditate on those hungry children for whom you will raise money.

4.  Pray with out ceasing while you fast.

You will be amazed at how different your experience with prayer will be when you are denied physical food.  It is much more real than those arrow prayers we all shoot up to God while we ride in the car or before meals etc. 

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            The time I was forced to fast was more recent.  You may have heard about it through church.  In October, I was hit in the face by a softball and the ball broke my jaw in two places.  My mouth was wired shut for 6 weeks and I experienced true hunger during this time.

Proverbs 27:7

One who is full loathes honey from the comb, but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet

Luke 6:21

Blessed are you who hunger now, for you will be satisfied.  Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh

Sunday, the day of the game, I ran six miles before church- my usual- and then worshipped at Oneonta with many of you.  Afterwards, I did not eat lunch because of a tummy ache.  Little did I know, my dinner Saturday night would be the last real meal I would eat for eight weeks.  We got to the Emergency Room a little after 6:00, my usual dinnertime.  By this time I was really hungry.  I could not chew because my jaw was very unstable and painful so there were no snacks for me while we waited.  Then they decided to do surgery that night and did not want me to eat anything.  The next morning I woke up and had wires that connected my top and bottom jaws together.  Everything I ate had to be liquid.  If you are thinking you could live off In and Out milkshakes and Jamba Juice Smoothies for 6 weeks, you think like me.  However, that was not the case at all.  Most milkshakes and smoothies were still too thick.  I could eat broth and soups but they had to be completely void of chunks.  There were other challenges during this time but I really want to focus on the hunger and lack of food.  Yes, I did loose weight, but after a while I became accustomed to the little bit of food I could eat.  I was no longer physically hungry but I then became emotionally starved.  I was able to find so much comfort in the Word of God, whether through the Bible or through other people.  I received many cards with bible verses and promises to pray for me.  That is what sustained me through that unexpected fast.  Do you see the theme here? When you fast- you need God to sustain you, whether through your prayers to Him or through others’ prayers for you.  In addition to prayer, you need his Word.  As I looked through my prayer journal around that time period, I realized how close I had become to the Lord.  I came to him every single day, so many times every day, to claim his promises to “fill me with good things” and to “satisfy the thirsty and fill the hungry”.  I also noticed that through that closeness with the Lord, he gave me insight and wisdom.  Insight into why this happened to me and wisdom to get the most out of this experience.  He truly filled me with GOOD things.  Not only did He fill me with insight and wisdom, but my mailbox was literally always full! I received packages or letters almost daily.  These things were Gods way to encourage me and fill me up, both physically and mentally.  One package contained a juicer from my small group of girlfriends back in North Carolina.  Another package was a homemade hot chocolate mix with protein powder from my very best friend.  These people, through Christ, did what the Holy Spirit told them  to do so that I, the hungry, could be filled. Read the next few sentences carefully…. I was filled because God wanted to keep his promises to me…He kept them because I spent time with him and asked him to fulfill these promises to me…  And I tell you this, in turn, to GLORIFY the God that we serve. Our faithful and loving God who is so worthy of that glory and praise. 

 John 6:23

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.

Luke 1:53

He has filled the hungry with good things, but has sent the rich away empty

Psalm 107:9

…for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.

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This brings me to the hard part to explain; where the lines are blurry as to if I did or did not choose to fast.  This is a time in my life that still needs some clarity, so forgive me if it has holes or makes little sense.  I went through a period of time where I had a fear of certain types of foods and along with that I also burned a lot of calories.  It was in college after I discovered I truly loved to run.  I also walked to all my classes and used the stairs as opposed to the elevators every time-in every building.  I lived on the 8^th and 9^th floors my freshman and sophomore years and used the stairs-EVERY TIME.  These two things do not mix well.  Fear of certain foods and extreme exercise meant I was underweight.  There is so much I could say about this time in my life; why I chose this, how it got out of control, what it led to, how I hurt myself and others, how depressed it made me later….There are so many things.  But I also consider this time in my life one long and painful fast.  I half wanted to fast and half did not want to fast.  I liked that I was in complete and total control of food and exercise and then somehow it became twisted and entwined in all aspects of my life and it had complete and utter control over me.  This I did not like but had no choice anymore it seemed.  This time of fasting in my life was unique and some might not consider it as a typical fast but I do.  Now that I am on the other side of that experience I can see how God made ME less so that HE could be more in my life. More God; less Rebecca (about 40 pounds less Rebecca to be exact).  He showed me how I was strong in Him through my physical and human weakness.  It was a time of spiritual strength but physical weakness.  It was my trial and my hardship; I was insulted, persecuted and weak.  It was difficult but through that experience I learned how to lean on the Lord.  I would pray for him to get me through each day and I meant it with every fiber of my being.  I battled depression and control issues for a few long years.  But I can honestly say that I “delight” in having experienced that weakness.  Because the Bible says, “For when I am weak, then I am strong”.  So remember the following verses as you get into the last few hours of your 30 hour fast.  You will surely feel weak, but if you pray and spend time in God’s Word you will be filled with good things and you will be stronger through having experienced weakness.  Weakness is not a bad thing, in fact it is quite the opposite. 

2 Corinthians 12:10

10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:9

9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

                 

I will leave you with one final verse:

Philippians 4:12 

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want

After this experience you will “know what it is to be in need” and you already know “what it is to have plenty”.  Use this time to unlock the “secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want” because you never know where life will take you.  I will give you a hint: the secret is no secret at all.  It is written all over God’s love letter to you in His Word.  The secret is a strong relationship with your God through Jesus Christ.  You get that relationship when you give your life to Him and you feed that relationship with quality time together and through His Holy Word.  He will never let you down, never cease to amaze you with His provision and never, never will he fail you.  I pray that each of you is blessed through this experience.  Be encouraged, your willingness to complete this 30 hour fast is inspiring! In fact, I have decided to take up my Friday fasts again, in a healthy way, during lent because of YOU! 

May God bless you and keep you and may God make his face shine upon you, now and always!

Details…Inspiration…Details...Inspiration

I felt the need to put one of my recent posts (Grace) on Facebook.  I hoped it would encourage and touch my friends who had lost a friend way too early. Wow.  What encouragement I received from my friends, family and even folks with whom I had lost touch.  God is so good.  I was able to reconnect with some special friends that life had led me away from until now.  Friends who encourage, love and support each other.  Isn't that what its all about? I was able to ride on the wings of that encouragement for the better part of a week.

However, I found that every time I tried to compose another post I became intimidated.  I have never had so many people read my thoughts.  I guess I feel the need to come clean and let these possible new readers know what this blog is really about most of the time.  I call this my Mom and my Mother-In-Law's blog.  When we moved to California, I promised that I would keep those two updated on our daily lives so they wouldn't miss out on one detail of little George's third year.  And I have- in painful detail.  I learned that I love to write as long as there is no time line or grade given or any expectation really. Yes, I do write the occasional inspired post but most of the time its just about how many times my son picks his nose in any given day so feel free to unsubscribe at any time.  But…..But….. I would hate for you to miss those occasional inspired posts because they are not from me, they are inspired by our wonderful, loving, gracious God.  Everything that rings true to you in any post of mine is surely from Him, and not from me.  There might even be an inspired paragraph within a whole story about a museum trip, tantrum or playdate.  Just like life- always be ready for that little bit of inspiration that hides in all the day to day events that we seem to trudge through. With that said, I do have some inspiration for you after I fill in the grandmamas on whats been going on with us.  Wait for it! It will come!

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Weekly Update:

When I last wrote, our household had experienced an afternoon and evening full of sickness.  It must have been food poisoning because big George never got it and we were better Tuesday.  I will spare you the details of Monday- you've all been there- in a few words it was: laundry, wipe surfaces, drink fluids, force fluids on three year old, laundry again, fluids, dishes, naps.  Funny story, little George usually naps at 2:00pm.  Today I put him down early (12:30) because he seemed like he needed it from all the "activity" the previous day.  I came back in my room and realized that  he must have pushed the daylight savings time button on my alarm clock because my cell said it was 11:30am!  It made for a great nap- he slept until 4pm when I went in to wake him up.  To be sick is the worst!  I was able to finish laundry, change the sheets and get the house back in order (when all I wanted to do was get under my covers... no rest for the weary).  Tuesday was a pretty normal day but Wednesday I decided it was high time for a Disney trip.  Usually Disney is easy and sure to make us feel better.  Today it took 2 1/2 hours to get in the gates.  Traffic was horrible on the way there and our usual thirty minute trip took an hour and a half. The other hour was spent in a gridlock as we waited to park because Disney happened to have lent out their parking lot to the convention center.  After we were in the gates though, we had a wonderful time. We rode the teacups twice- I told you…painful detail.  

Autopia- George was like "Ma- put away the phone, I'm tryin' to drive here"

Cotton Candy for being such a good boy

George in the Dog Pound

Thursday George went to school and then played in the yard all afternoon. I had no energy to fight him on the nap issue so he played until the farmers market opened and we went there for the evening and met friends.  

this is my failed attempt to get Cole, Lena and George to smile for the camera.

The above features Cole

this one features George and Cole

Cole 

Lena and George were having a contest to see who could get dirtier

Friday was Valentine's Day and I would have been a horrible mom had I not set up a date with his girlfriend here in California.  Zoe and George have been best buddies since the moment they met.  Their little relationship has just blossomed and it helps that their moms get along great too.  We took them to the park for a picnic and then to the soda shop for an ice-cream treat.

 We returned home too late to fight for a nap so we delivered the rest of our valentines to our neighbors.  

Proverbs 29:5

"Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet"

 I read this after we delivered them, I wasn't trying to spread a net...

The youth pastor at our church was kind enough to offer childcare (for FREE) from 4pm-8pm on Friday night for Valentine's day, so I took George to play with a few friends while I got ready for our date….I should mention we had no "date" in mind at this point.  I really had no idea if George would even make it home in time to take advantage of this free babysitting opportunity.  I put full faith that he would and when he called to say, "Lets dress up and go out" I was dressed and ready to go in five minutes flat. Woohooo!  We went to the Langham Hotel Bar and shared lobster sliders and sweet potato pomme frittes.  So last-minute... so perfect!  Saturday we were supposed to have a family beach day but George got called in.  Off with the bathing suit…..Sunday after church we decided to make our beach trip happen... on with the bathing suit!  Huntington Beach, here we come!  A little cool but still able to sit on the beach.  Fish tacos at an outdoor restaurant finished our day on the right note and then put our worn out boy to sleep on the way home.  Ahhhhhh.  Silence.  Can you hear it?  Monday George was supposed to work but the case was cancelled so he was home by 9:00 am.  Can you see the theme of our life: plan for George to work- he comes home; plan a beach trip- he has to work.  Why do I even try to plan anything?? We decided to go to the zoo and then a hike but plans were foiled again when all of LA decided on that same zoo trip.  The Autry Museum was right there and on our "to-do" list as well so we looked at cowboys and ind….Native Americans for a while.  We panned for gold and thought we might find enough to pay for dinner but I must have lost the three flecks in transit from the museum to the car.  Then we hiked to a waterfall in Eaton Canyon/Angeles National Forest in hopes of a quiet afternoon and some family time.  When are we ever going to learn that there is nothing quiet about LA.  At all.

us, and our LA family

If you look closely, there are repellers making their way down the waterfall. That was fun to see.

Another day without a nap and our boy was exhausted again.  I am not sure why because we carried him 3/4 of the hike.  Tuesday was a long day and so was Wednesday. No naps + no daddy around till after bedtime = tired mama with achy back.  

And for good measure, here are a few photos from the past few weeks that I couldn't leave out:

sweet Dean

George dressed himself:

If you cant see, he has smocked plaid swim trunks on backwards, his Carolina jersey, cowboy boots, and a load of sticks he wanted me to hold.  BOYS.

El Portal Mexican dinner- how exciting!!

 I leave George and Daddy home alone for 1 hour...

They clean up nice though! Twins- lookin' handsome!!

Grace

In honor and remembrance of Jennifer Horns- November 16th 1981-February 5th 2014

It was a spring day in Rocky Mount and my friend Jennifer had invited me over to play.  I was somewhere around 10 or 12 years old; old enough to go by myself to a friend's house but not old enough to go anywhere but her back yard.  This particular friend was one of the lucky ones- she had a trampoline.  Now this was in the early 90's so when you picture this trampoline, please do not add nets, cushions, or spring protectors to the image…just a plain old black tramp with silver springs and silver metal legs, about 6 feet off the ground.  Jennifer and I were in gymnastics together and in the past, we had been known to practice our "flips" on her trampoline.  When I casually mentioned this to my parents they immediately forbade me to flip on her trampoline again.  So in the truck on the way to her house my daddy said to me, "Becca, I don't want you doing any flips on that trampoline, you hear me? I mean it, NO FLIPS.  You can jump on it, and I really don't think that is a good idea, but I will allow you to jump if you promise not to do flips".  I promised him that I would not do a single flip and honestly had every intention to keep that promise.  Well, after an hour or so of obedience to this one rule, I began to get antsy.  Jennifer had flipped, her brothers had flipped and I just wanted to show them what I could do.  I thought to myself, "I will do one flip- just to get it out of my system- and then no more".  Well, what 12  year old wanna-be gymnast really has that much will power?  I continued to flip and flip and flip and flip and flip.  Backflip, front flip, side flip, twist flip, you name it-I flipped it.  We had the best time!
BUT THEN….
Daddy came to pick me up.  I got into the truck and felt slightly guilty but I surely did not intend to confess.  Maybe he just wont ask me what I did at Jennifer's, I thought.  Well, sure enough the first thing out of Mark Bruton's mouth was, "Did you flip on that trampoline?".  Now- I may have done many things wrong as a child, but I learned early on NOT to lie to daddy.  It was his main thing.  Don't lie to Mark.  So I told him straight up, "Yes, I did".  Silence.
I knew there would be consequences and I was ready as ever to take them.  To make myself feel better about my disobedience.  To ease my guilt.  He made a turn away from the direction of our house.
We drove out of the neighborhood.  Where are we GOING?  Say SOMETHING Daddy.  Do you plan to take me to a field to drop me off so I can think about what I did?  Do you plan to spank me-I know I deserve it but I think I am too old for that…
As we approached the gas station on Sunset Avenue my thoughts changed.  After he fills up his tank, he's gonna take me home and ground me forever, maybe he will never talk to me again, surely I will never see Jennifer and her trampoline again…But thats fine, its what I deserve anyway.
He parked the truck and I noticed he had a full tank.  He didn't need gas at all.  WHAT are we DOING here!?
Then he said these words to me, "Becca, I want you to go in that gas station and I want you to pick out whatever candy bar you want. No- pick two candy bars, just for yourself"

What? I gave him a blank stare that showed my utter confusion.  You want me to do what?!  I don't WANT a candy bar right now.  I WANT to be punished.  I feel horrible that I disobeyed.  It was wrong. I feel ugly and dark and black inside.  I do NOT want something special for myself.  I thought for a moment more and then said to him, "No- I don't want one".
He replied with an unreadable expression, "No- go on and pick one out. I will be waiting in the truck.  We are not leaving until you go get two candy bars, here's the money".
I opened the door slowly and trudged into the gas station.  I picked out my two favorites, probably Butterfinger and Score Bar, and climbed back into the truck.  I put the candy bars down on the dash and buckled my seat belt.
"You are not gonna eat 'em?" said Daddy.  I shook my head no and he began to drive back home.  On the way he gave me one of the best lessons anyone has ever given me.  He said something about like this:
"Honey, I want to tell you about Grace.  Grace is when we get something we do NOT at all deserve.  It's that simple.  And I love you like God loves you, always and forever no matter what decisions you make or how many times you disobey me.  God gives us the wonderfully good and sweet gift of grace, like those candy bars sitting up there on the dash.  We do nothing for that gift, in fact we do quite the opposite, we are sinners, we disobey his word.  Just like you did today.  I'm disappointed in you,  but it doesn't mean I could stop loving you if I tried.  Same with God, he loves you infinitely and gives you grace when you don't deserve it.
So Becca, just remember, Grace is simple.  Grace is a gift we don't deserve.  All we have to do is accept it, so eat up".
And after that, how could I not.  That might have been the sweetest candy bar I ever ate.

*********************************************************************************Jennifer passed away unexpectedly on Wednesday, February 5th 2014.  We had lost touch through the years but I will never forget her.  She was a bold presence, scared of nothing and had an easy laugh.  We shared so many memories in our younger years from church, school, gymnastics, and girl scouts.  Since I got the news I can't help but remember all the little things about her.  Memories sustain us in these hard times.  I know that wherever she was in her spiritual journey, God's grace was sufficient.  May she rest in eternal peace and may her family feel God's presence.

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Last Wednesday morning I received a text from our old neighbor in Durham.  Usually we exchange simple "how are you?/how is Dean?" texts but today was quite different.  She informed me that our old house on Walnut Cove was on fire.  First I should say that no one was injured.  Sadly, there were three pets that did not make it.  I am so thankful that the family was not hurt and that the firemen were able to contain the fire so that no one else's homes were damaged.  But this news so saddened me that I really had to step back and ask myself why.  My first thought was that this was the first home we owned as a couple, the home where we brought our new born baby boy, the kitchen where we prepared meals for others and ourselves, the living room where we prayed with dear friends, the office where George spent hours upon hours as he traced the brachial plexus, our room where we woke up doubled over in laughter in the middle of the night and where we cried in the deepest darkest despair as dear George experienced a cancer diagnosis and treatment, the whole house- gone- just like that.

So incredibly sad…and those are just my memories of my house.  The poor family who lived there lost so much more, everything.  The important part of that word "everything" is THING.  Its only things, only stuff. Praise God no one was hurt.

We have just started our search for a permanent home in Raleigh.  I think God really used this sad sad circumstance to help me learn a couple of lessons.

First of all, no one thing is permanent in this world.  I should not obsess about a perfect house with every kind of amenity.  I should not worry if it is not as handsome as I always pictured my permanent home to be.  I should not worry that it has a certain type of stove or a big enough closet or a bathtub in the master bathroom, or that we have enough space to grow or anything at all.  All those amenities could be gone in an instant.

Secondly my reaction to the news taught me how dear a house can really be.  I feel a little more justified in my pursuit of the right house for us.  On this note comes the third and final point; a point I must attribute to my husband. As we talked about these very lessons he reminded me of something.  Although our house on Walnut Cove was all we needed, completely comfortable, and plenty big enough we always found plenty wrong with it, complained about the kitchen being too small and countless other things.  The house is not what makes the memories.  The fixtures, the window treatments, the hardwood floors…none of these things are what drew out the sad emotional response to our house having been burned.  No, it was none of these things.  The memories we made as a family are what made this house a home to us, the four hearts beating inside it are what made it special.  This is my lesson:  as I look for a permanent home, I should not look for what the house has or does not have.  I should look for something about the right size, in about the right area, and within a comfortable price range.  The other stuff is really not that important.  We will make whatever house we live in special. We will laugh, cry, pray, teach, and experience as a family no matter how many square feet, no matter what the kitchen looks like, no matter what kind of bathtub is in the master bathroom.  George, George, Dean and I will make it home.  Because home is truly where the hearts are.

Happy Year of the Horse!

We, the Edwards family had another first here in California.  Three stops down from us on the Metro is Chinatown.  Now, I am not a huge fan of Chinese food and I am pretty ignorant of all things Chinese so we have not ventured to this much talked about area.  Well, Saturday Feb. 1st, we decided to take a friend's advice and go to the Chinese New Year Celebration Parade.  I was so proud of us for A. having the courage to take the Metro- its the first time we've been on since our Long Beach fiasco  B.  filing into the streets of Chinatown with hordes of other people (don't forget our introvert-ness) and C.  enjoy ourselves despite the very "city feel" of it all- we are country mice, all three.

We saw dragons and drums, masks and bands, and countless TV personalities, news anchors and politicians, of which I knew zero.  Our ignorance of Chinese culture and lack of cable television (even the main channels) was very evident.  We enjoyed ourselves so much though and I can honestly say that now that introductions have been made, I am genuinely interested in the chance to learn more about Chinese culture. Maybe I will go to a museum next.  Thats how learning is, you think you are not interested in something because you know nothing about it, then you learn one or two things on the subject and you can't stop learning about it.  We even ordered Chinese food that night to celebrate! The next day was Super Bowl Sunday.  We did not even watch the game.  Terrible Americans.  Anyway, we enjoyed the heck out of the day despite (and probably because of) the fact that we missed out on all the great, or not so great, football and commercials.

I had a rough few days at the beginning of the next week.  Son George tested me at every turn and said some pretty nasty things to me.  I disciplined appropriately (I hope and pray) and we moved on.  After I talked with my new neighbor friend about it, she must have sensed that I had neared the end of my rope because she offered to watch George for a few hours on Thursday.  Since I worked in the classroom Tuesday and there was to be no school Thursday, I was SO GRATEFUL!  I took her up on the offer and was so touched (and really helped) by the gesture. Can you guess what I did with my free hour? Yep, you guessed it, I went for a run.
***Looking back on the calendar, this actually happened the week before the Chinese New Year and Non-Super Bowl Sunday- That tells me I need to be more attentive to my poor neglected blog***

After Non-Super Bowl Sunday we had a visitor!  Pam was two years behind George in UNC's Orthopaedics Residency Program.  She's such a sweet girl and needed a place to stay while she interviewed here in sunny LA.  We were of course, so glad to have her.  It was nice to have an old friend here at our place.  We enjoyed sushi the night she got here and I made some gluten free curry and gluten free cookies the next night  (she's one of those gluten free peeps).  We stayed up late to catch up on all the UNC gossip.  I really miss being a part of that community.  I know I did not actually do the residency, but I became close with all George's friends and their significant others.  Seasons of life...


Wednesday night I was invited to an impromptu wine/pizza/playdate down the street.  It was at my friend "Berkeley's" house.  There were 8 kiddos and four moms.  We had a crazy fun time, with all kinds of stories left unfinished and only a couple bumps and bruises.  George has really started to open up to these kids and I think he would call them his good buddies.  Its so nice to see that.  And so easy that they are right down the street!

Thursday it RAINED.  Only the second time it has rained since we've been here.  And if you thick North Carolinians are weird because they freak out about a quarter of an inch of snow, you should see Californians in an eighth of an inch of rain.  Its pretty comical.  Also, its been cold here.  I mean, I'm talkin' in the 50s cold y'all…. OK enough with the evil.

Thursday I had the misfortune of experiencing another first, a pinched nerve and muscle spasm to follow.  Wow, I have never felt anything quite like that. I couldn't move Thursday night.  After a good night's rest, I was able to move Friday but I did not do much other than barely move, I can assure you. I was so wiped out on Friday - I guess from this muscle spasm- that we did not do a thing.  Well, I lied we had to go to the grocery store.  We didn't even have Peanut Butter, thats how bare the cupboard was.  It was really a necessity or I would not have bothered.  So that brings us to yesterday.  Big George had to be at work and so did Tyler, so George and I walked to Amara and met Lauren and Tac there to enjoy hot chocolate and churros.  The churros and chocolate were good, but the thing that really made it worth the trip was the lemonade.  I got a ginger-papalones lemonade and it really hit the spot!  I could have skipped all the chocolate and churros and fruit and marshmallows and just gotten the lemonade.  So weird to hear from me, I realize, but it is the truth.  Then we played at Central Park- Pasadena for a nice long while before heading back on our trek home.  It was 3.3 miles there and 3.3 back.  Adventure!!
Then last night George was home so we went on a search for some good Mexican food and found a great little restaurant called El Portal.  Everyone loved what they ordered and the atmosphere was perfect for a family with a rambunctious 3 year old.

Today has been another story altogether.  Somewhere in between the time we got back from church and 3:00 the stomach bug monster has been rampant.  I felt queasy during church and Georgie kept complaining of tummy aches.  I felt weak and awful when we got home so I put George to bed and got into bed myself, only to be awakened by his poor little self covered in--well, I will spare you the details but it wasn't pretty.  His sweet daddy took care of everything since I could not.  This whole afternoon little George has said the cutest (and saddest) things in between trips to the trash can or bathroom.

"I don't like this"
"This is not very fun"
"I am not having a good day"
"I am so sad"
"This is horrible"
"This is the worst"

We are so ready to be back in North Carolina where we know the germs and they know us.  We've all been so sick constantly it seems.  Keep us in your prayers 'till we can kick this bug.  Whew!