Grace

In honor and remembrance of Jennifer Horns- November 16th 1981-February 5th 2014

It was a spring day in Rocky Mount and my friend Jennifer had invited me over to play.  I was somewhere around 10 or 12 years old; old enough to go by myself to a friend's house but not old enough to go anywhere but her back yard.  This particular friend was one of the lucky ones- she had a trampoline.  Now this was in the early 90's so when you picture this trampoline, please do not add nets, cushions, or spring protectors to the image…just a plain old black tramp with silver springs and silver metal legs, about 6 feet off the ground.  Jennifer and I were in gymnastics together and in the past, we had been known to practice our "flips" on her trampoline.  When I casually mentioned this to my parents they immediately forbade me to flip on her trampoline again.  So in the truck on the way to her house my daddy said to me, "Becca, I don't want you doing any flips on that trampoline, you hear me? I mean it, NO FLIPS.  You can jump on it, and I really don't think that is a good idea, but I will allow you to jump if you promise not to do flips".  I promised him that I would not do a single flip and honestly had every intention to keep that promise.  Well, after an hour or so of obedience to this one rule, I began to get antsy.  Jennifer had flipped, her brothers had flipped and I just wanted to show them what I could do.  I thought to myself, "I will do one flip- just to get it out of my system- and then no more".  Well, what 12  year old wanna-be gymnast really has that much will power?  I continued to flip and flip and flip and flip and flip.  Backflip, front flip, side flip, twist flip, you name it-I flipped it.  We had the best time!
BUT THEN….
Daddy came to pick me up.  I got into the truck and felt slightly guilty but I surely did not intend to confess.  Maybe he just wont ask me what I did at Jennifer's, I thought.  Well, sure enough the first thing out of Mark Bruton's mouth was, "Did you flip on that trampoline?".  Now- I may have done many things wrong as a child, but I learned early on NOT to lie to daddy.  It was his main thing.  Don't lie to Mark.  So I told him straight up, "Yes, I did".  Silence.
I knew there would be consequences and I was ready as ever to take them.  To make myself feel better about my disobedience.  To ease my guilt.  He made a turn away from the direction of our house.
We drove out of the neighborhood.  Where are we GOING?  Say SOMETHING Daddy.  Do you plan to take me to a field to drop me off so I can think about what I did?  Do you plan to spank me-I know I deserve it but I think I am too old for that…
As we approached the gas station on Sunset Avenue my thoughts changed.  After he fills up his tank, he's gonna take me home and ground me forever, maybe he will never talk to me again, surely I will never see Jennifer and her trampoline again…But thats fine, its what I deserve anyway.
He parked the truck and I noticed he had a full tank.  He didn't need gas at all.  WHAT are we DOING here!?
Then he said these words to me, "Becca, I want you to go in that gas station and I want you to pick out whatever candy bar you want. No- pick two candy bars, just for yourself"

What? I gave him a blank stare that showed my utter confusion.  You want me to do what?!  I don't WANT a candy bar right now.  I WANT to be punished.  I feel horrible that I disobeyed.  It was wrong. I feel ugly and dark and black inside.  I do NOT want something special for myself.  I thought for a moment more and then said to him, "No- I don't want one".
He replied with an unreadable expression, "No- go on and pick one out. I will be waiting in the truck.  We are not leaving until you go get two candy bars, here's the money".
I opened the door slowly and trudged into the gas station.  I picked out my two favorites, probably Butterfinger and Score Bar, and climbed back into the truck.  I put the candy bars down on the dash and buckled my seat belt.
"You are not gonna eat 'em?" said Daddy.  I shook my head no and he began to drive back home.  On the way he gave me one of the best lessons anyone has ever given me.  He said something about like this:
"Honey, I want to tell you about Grace.  Grace is when we get something we do NOT at all deserve.  It's that simple.  And I love you like God loves you, always and forever no matter what decisions you make or how many times you disobey me.  God gives us the wonderfully good and sweet gift of grace, like those candy bars sitting up there on the dash.  We do nothing for that gift, in fact we do quite the opposite, we are sinners, we disobey his word.  Just like you did today.  I'm disappointed in you,  but it doesn't mean I could stop loving you if I tried.  Same with God, he loves you infinitely and gives you grace when you don't deserve it.
So Becca, just remember, Grace is simple.  Grace is a gift we don't deserve.  All we have to do is accept it, so eat up".
And after that, how could I not.  That might have been the sweetest candy bar I ever ate.

*********************************************************************************Jennifer passed away unexpectedly on Wednesday, February 5th 2014.  We had lost touch through the years but I will never forget her.  She was a bold presence, scared of nothing and had an easy laugh.  We shared so many memories in our younger years from church, school, gymnastics, and girl scouts.  Since I got the news I can't help but remember all the little things about her.  Memories sustain us in these hard times.  I know that wherever she was in her spiritual journey, God's grace was sufficient.  May she rest in eternal peace and may her family feel God's presence.